Hey, How’s It Goin?
I read your letter and I gotta tell you, this ain’t gonna work. Did you really think there was going to be turtles in the wind? I know you glued the wings on, but wings, my dear, must flap. Flap flap flappy wings flyin in th breeze. Flap flap flappy wings soaring ’round with ease. Why can’t you just eat toast and be happy?!?! Happy toast! Happy happy toast. Happy toast makes happy toes. Just take the T and strike the pose. Move the sounds and make the dance. Move the mounds to leap and prance. What about the 30 thousand tonnes of underwater sea turtles wishing they could swim in space? Don’t you care about them too? Cuz you should. You really really should. Sea turtles didn’t hold up the earth like we thought. They left us a giant turtle shell as the space time continuum on which we base our virtual mud pies tossed frivolously forward from fifty fragments feeling furious for fourty fortenights fundaciously fanning frogs. Yes that’s a word. Fundaciously. Audacious Fun. Duh. Get a dictionary why don’tcha? This is planet earth I tell you! Planet Earth! Where the wind comes weaping down the plains. Which never made any damn sense. Winds don’t weep, clouds weep! And no one knows what weaping is. It’s the 7th most indifferent uninteresting nonchalant meaningless mystery of the universe. What is weaping? Why is weaping? When and how are weaping?! No one seems to want to know. No one, that is, until me. Me. I discovered it. I figure it out. I am the queen of awesome. The king of amazing. And the princess of perfection. The prince ran off with the stick chasing boulders down the mountain filling the sea and causing it to rise. Seriously. That dude traveled through time, read my letter before I wrote it, and told congress the truth. Gravity is taking the water and making it go up and down!!!! We’re all going to die!!!! Seriously. One day, we will all find our mortal coil … what a crock! Mortal Coil? I’m not a spring! But my DNA kind of is. And DNA lives forever. Worm Food. That’s what I am. Worms become my DNA which ends up in birds and gets popped on your hat. I am traveling the rest of my life on your hat. So do something REALLY COOL? ok? O.! K.!
gotta run,
ok, not really,
I don’t ‘actually’ run,
it’s just time to go and that’s what you say,
you know
to be polite
and impress people in the process
they think you’re super socially savvy AND they think you work out like a pro
which I am
a Pro
a pro at .. at … at … being me!
love & hugs & mutated slugs,
~ Professional Me